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But He Never Hit Me
The Devastating Cost of
Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women

"This is definitely the most important self-help book I've ever read. It spoke directly to me in a compassionate and clear way, while also giving me directions for looking at my relationship problems and cleaning them up. Before I read But He Never Hit Me, I didn't even know I had these difficulties; I just knew that I wasn't really happy with my life. This book spoke to me in a very profound way. I read a lot of books, for my profession, every year and But He Never Hit Me is by far the best I've had the pleasure to read. This book will stay with me for a long time."

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"I just finished reading, Destructive Relationships, and I can't believe how much it's opened my eyes to how I was conducting my life and all the unhealthy relationships I had!  I knew I was unhappy and couldn't figure out why my life and relationships weren't working. Now I understand completely. 

I feel so empowered now and confident about my future. I've already started making positive changes. I just don't know how to thank you enough!"

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"Your book, But I Love Him" literally saved my daughter's life.  She was dating an abusive boy for nearly 2 years. He was very controlling and had recently introduced her to drugs and a depraved lifestyle. She ran away with him twice. We tried everything and didn't know how to get through to her.  We read your book and started talking to her differently and looking at our part in the relationship.  We started seeing small changes in the way she behaved toward us.  We finally gave her the book to read. She was initially resistent but then read it all in one night, highlighting it as she went.  She broke up with him less than 2 weeks later.  You and your book have been a miracle in our lives. We can't thank you enough for the work you do and for saving our daughter's life and our relationship with her."

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An Exploration of Abusive Dating Among Teenagers

But I Love Him:
Protecting Your Teen Daughter From Controlling, Abusive Dating Relationships
by Dr. Jill Murray, ReganBooks
193 pages, $24

Many adult women in abusive relationships don't suddenly fall into them. Most likely, researchers tell us, they experienced abusive dating relationships in their teens, as well as the feelings of powerlessness and denial that carry over into their adult years.

In her new book, "But I Love Him," Laguna Niguel psychotherapist Jill Murray describes how her work with battered women led to the realization that many abusive relationships — and the behaviors that accompany them — begin early in life. She estimates that one in three girls will be abused — physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally — by a boyfriend by the time they graduate from high school.

Murray offers no easy solutions for parents seeking to help their daughters get out of an abusive relationship. She describes the difficulties young girls face in trying to break off a relationship and says that many teen girls initially will defend their boyfriend's behavior. The author provides advice on such matters as how to recognize sights of abuse and understand why this has happened to their daughter.

Even parents whose daughters have not experienced abuse would benefit from this book. Murray describes how parents can talk to their daughters not just about sex, but also about dating and the elements of a healthy relationship, "But I Love Him" offers some valuable — and troubling — insights about the current teen-dating culture. This book should be a wake-up call for some parents willing to take a hard — and probably uncomfortable — look at their daughters' world.

LOS ANGELES TIMES, November 27, 2000

copyright (c) 2000 Los Angeles Times

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© 2005 by Jill Murray. All rights reserved. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book or on this website for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.