Interview with Dr. Jill Murray, author of Destructive Relationships
Mike Carruthers: Are you in any destructive relationships?
Dr. Jill Murray: A destructive relationship is one in which you're a doormat, you're being used, you have unjustified loyalty, you bend over backwards for people who treat you badly or you make excuses for them.
Jill Murray, author of the book Destructive Relationships, says these types of relationships can be with anyone: family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and there's a simple way to tell if you're in one.
I'm a real big believer in the idea that love is a behavior, rather than a feeling. And it doesn't have to just be romantic love. I'm talking about any kind of relationship you have, the level of respect that is there. So when you just judge people by their behavior, it's really easy to start looking at these behaviors and these relationships in a real objective way.
And Jill says, realize you do have choices, that these people don't have to be in your life.
If you ask yourself, "I've got nine creepy friends, what's the worst that can happen if I ditched all these friends?" The worst that could happen is that you're alone, and being alone is, very often, people that are in destructive relationships' worst fear. But what they don't realize is that they're more alone in these relationships than if they were really alone. I really feel that when you start ridding yourself of all the toxic people, you give yourself an opportunity to develop new and healthier relationships.
SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW with Mike Carruthers
September 13, 2002
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