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But He Never Hit Me
The Devastating Cost of
Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women

"This is definitely the most important self-help book I've ever read. It spoke directly to me in a compassionate and clear way, while also giving me directions for looking at my relationship problems and cleaning them up. Before I read But He Never Hit Me, I didn't even know I had these difficulties; I just knew that I wasn't really happy with my life. This book spoke to me in a very profound way. I read a lot of books, for my profession, every year and But He Never Hit Me is by far the best I've had the pleasure to read. This book will stay with me for a long time."

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"I just finished reading, Destructive Relationships, and I can't believe how much it's opened my eyes to how I was conducting my life and all the unhealthy relationships I had!  I knew I was unhappy and couldn't figure out why my life and relationships weren't working. Now I understand completely. 

I feel so empowered now and confident about my future. I've already started making positive changes. I just don't know how to thank you enough!"

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"Your book, But I Love Him" literally saved my daughter's life.  She was dating an abusive boy for nearly 2 years. He was very controlling and had recently introduced her to drugs and a depraved lifestyle. She ran away with him twice. We tried everything and didn't know how to get through to her.  We read your book and started talking to her differently and looking at our part in the relationship.  We started seeing small changes in the way she behaved toward us.  We finally gave her the book to read. She was initially resistent but then read it all in one night, highlighting it as she went.  She broke up with him less than 2 weeks later.  You and your book have been a miracle in our lives. We can't thank you enough for the work you do and for saving our daughter's life and our relationship with her."

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Destructive Relationships
Interview with Dr. Jill Murray, author of Destructive Relationships

Mike Carruthers: Are you in any destructive relationships?

Dr. Jill Murray: A destructive relationship is one in which you're a doormat, you're being used, you have unjustified loyalty, you bend over backwards for people who treat you badly or you make excuses for them.

Jill Murray, author of the book Destructive Relationships, says these types of relationships can be with anyone: family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and there's a simple way to tell if you're in one.

I'm a real big believer in the idea that love is a behavior, rather than a feeling. And it doesn't have to just be romantic love. I'm talking about any kind of relationship you have, the level of respect that is there. So when you just judge people by their behavior, it's really easy to start looking at these behaviors and these relationships in a real objective way.

And Jill says, realize you do have choices, that these people don't have to be in your life.

If you ask yourself, "I've got nine creepy friends, what's the worst that can happen if I ditched all these friends?" The worst that could happen is that you're alone, and being alone is, very often, people that are in destructive relationships' worst fear. But what they don't realize is that they're more alone in these relationships than if they were really alone. I really feel that when you start ridding yourself of all the toxic people, you give yourself an opportunity to develop new and healthier relationships.

September 13, 2002

copyright (c) 2002 Something You Should Know

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© 2005 by Jill Murray. All rights reserved. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book or on this website for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.