Signs That You May Be in Way Too Deep
"In general, girls are raised to be accommodating and sweet and to please their guys," says Jill Murray, author of Destructive Relationships: A Guide to Changing the Unhealthy Relationships in Your Life (Jodere Group, $24). "But sometimes, if they feel threatened [about losing their guy], girls can be driven to take extreme measures."
Girls identify their worthiness and attractiveness through [guys]," says Murray. "Guys are more solitary...but when a girl's relationship is going south, it's the end of the world for her, so she will do drastic things."
That's not to say, of course, that every girl who hits a bump with her guy is going to do something crazy, much less illegal, but relationships problems cause many girls to do stuff they never would have done before.
But being deeply into relationships doesn't mean girls can't be smarter about them. The first step is to steer clear of the fast lane. "Some girls tend to get into intense one-on-one relationships really quickly," warns Murray. The better route is a slow onegoing on group dates, say, and not seeing him every dayso a boy doesn't become your "instant everything."
Also, you should have plenty of other things going onschoolwork, sports, friends, whateverthat don't involve him. "Keep part of your life separate from his. Keep pursuing your personal interests and hobbies," Murray says. The point is to make sure that you never get so caught up in your relationship that it becomes your whole world.
EXCERPT FROM TEEN PEOPLE, MARCH 2004
Five Signs You May Be in Way Too Deep
Wondering how to tell if you may be crazy in love? We asked psychotherapist Jill Murray about things to watch out for
- YOU AND YOUR GUY ARE TOGETHER 24/7. You've dropped most of your close friends and spend less time with your family.
- YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR OWN INTERESTS ANYMORE. You've taken up his hobbies and let your slide.
- YOU START DOING STUFF YOU WOULDN'T HAVE DONE BEFORE YOU MET HIM. You start dressing solely to please him. Or you go further sexually than you want to.
- YOU FEAR YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN HE LOVES YOU. Being insecure about a relationship can lead you to do drastic things.
- THE THOUGHT OF BEING SINGLE IS DEVASTATING. It's great to have a guy, but it's important to be OK without one.
copyright (c) 2004 Teen People