Now, let’s see what your answers tell you about your relationship.

1. Abusers frequently call their partners demeaning names.

2. You shouldn’t ever have to apologize for things you’ve never done.

3. Your partner shouldn’t make fun of you, but if he does, you have every right to feel hurt or angry.

4. If you frequently cry about your relationship, that is worrisome.  A healthy relationship makes you feel happier and full of optimism.

5. You are in charge of your wardrobe and makeup choices, not your partner.

6. You should be “allowed” to purchase items that are within your family budget without fear.

7. This question speaks to the isolation that frequently occurs in abusive relationships. If he separates you from your friends, family, and outside activities, then you will be so emotionally dependant on him, it will be difficult to leave him. This is part of his plan for you.

8. You are not a little girl and your partner is not your daddy. You should be completely able to handle your own money as well as the household finances.

9. A healthy committed partnership is an equal partnership. 

10. You should be able to be completely honest with your partner about your activities and friends without fear of anger.

So, how did you fare on this quiz?  If you were completely honest with yourself while answering these questions and you now understand that you are in an abusive relationship, please don’t be frightened.  There are many, many women—and men—who are being abused.  You are not alone, however if you now know that you are in this type of relationship and do nothing about it, you are a participant in the abuse, not a victim.  Please promise yourself that you will tell someone about your relationship who can be of help.  You deserve to live a secure and free life.


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© 2005 by Jill Murray. All rights reserved. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book or on this website for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.