But He Never Hit Me
The Devastating Cost of
Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women

"This is definitely the most important self-help book I've ever read. It spoke directly to me in a compassionate and clear way, while also giving me directions for looking at my relationship problems and cleaning them up. Before I read But He Never Hit Me, I didn't even know I had these difficulties; I just knew that I wasn't really happy with my life. This book spoke to me in a very profound way. I read a lot of books, for my profession, every year and But He Never Hit Me is by far the best I've had the pleasure to read. This book will stay with me for a long time."

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"I just finished reading, Destructive Relationships, and I can't believe how much it's opened my eyes to how I was conducting my life and all the unhealthy relationships I had!  I knew I was unhappy and couldn't figure out why my life and relationships weren't working. Now I understand completely. 

I feel so empowered now and confident about my future. I've already started making positive changes. I just don't know how to thank you enough!"

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"Your book, But I Love Him" literally saved my daughter's life.  She was dating an abusive boy for nearly 2 years. He was very controlling and had recently introduced her to drugs and a depraved lifestyle. She ran away with him twice. We tried everything and didn't know how to get through to her.  We read your book and started talking to her differently and looking at our part in the relationship.  We started seeing small changes in the way she behaved toward us.  We finally gave her the book to read. She was initially resistent but then read it all in one night, highlighting it as she went.  She broke up with him less than 2 weeks later.  You and your book have been a miracle in our lives. We can't thank you enough for the work you do and for saving our daughter's life and our relationship with her."

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Q&A With Dr. Murray:
Feeling Lonely In a Marriage

Q&A With Dr. Murray: Feeling Lonely In a Marriage

Dr. Murray, my husband isn't a big talker and a lot of the time I feel really lonely in my marriage. I feel like I'm bothering him whenever I want to talk about anything. I love him very much and he's a great person. How can I get him to open up more? -Deb

Hi Deb, Your question is great and one that I think so many women can relate to. As a matter of fact, it's a common issue in my private practice. Did you know that women typically speak about 7,000 words a day and men speak about 3,000 words a day? Talking is the way women connect. We also process information and our thoughts verbally while men don't need to use their mouths to think. Shocking, isn't it? When you don't have a partner who will talk it can make you feel lonely so I would encourage you to think about a few ideas. First, don't use your husband as your girlfriend. Men don't need a lot of info and in fact, their brain "floods" when they get too much of it. So, while we gals love to give details of the baby shower we went to, usually our man just wants to know if we had a good time so save the deets for your female pals. Second, let your husband know that not having communication with him makes you feel lonely in the marriage and ask him how he likes to give and receive info best. Many men feel overwhelmed by long strings of information and do better with very short sentences in which they have an opportunity to respond. Also, perhaps the phrase men dread most is: We need to talk. So, if you begin many of your exchanges with that--or a similar--line, your husband may have turned off before you begin your conversation. You may want to start with, "Can I get your opinion about something?" or, "I have a thought I'd like to run by you." Men do well when they're Mr. Fix-It and this type of phrasing appeals to their inclination to solve problems rather than feel like they have an overwhelming issue they can't win. I hope this helps!

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