NEW

But He Never Hit Me
The Devastating Cost of
Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women

"This is definitely the most important self-help book I've ever read. It spoke directly to me in a compassionate and clear way, while also giving me directions for looking at my relationship problems and cleaning them up. Before I read But He Never Hit Me, I didn't even know I had these difficulties; I just knew that I wasn't really happy with my life. This book spoke to me in a very profound way. I read a lot of books, for my profession, every year and But He Never Hit Me is by far the best I've had the pleasure to read. This book will stay with me for a long time."

Autographed copy - $27.45
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)


Or purchase a non-autographed copy from Amazon.com



.........



"I just finished reading, Destructive Relationships, and I can't believe how much it's opened my eyes to how I was conducting my life and all the unhealthy relationships I had!  I knew I was unhappy and couldn't figure out why my life and relationships weren't working. Now I understand completely. 

I feel so empowered now and confident about my future. I've already started making positive changes. I just don't know how to thank you enough!"

Have your book autographed
at no additional charge

Autographed copy - $18.50
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)


.........

"Your book, But I Love Him" literally saved my daughter's life.  She was dating an abusive boy for nearly 2 years. He was very controlling and had recently introduced her to drugs and a depraved lifestyle. She ran away with him twice. We tried everything and didn't know how to get through to her.  We read your book and started talking to her differently and looking at our part in the relationship.  We started seeing small changes in the way she behaved toward us.  We finally gave her the book to read. She was initially resistent but then read it all in one night, highlighting it as she went.  She broke up with him less than 2 weeks later.  You and your book have been a miracle in our lives. We can't thank you enough for the work you do and for saving our daughter's life and our relationship with her."

Have your book autographed
at no additional charge.

Autographed copy - $16.50
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)


Or purchase a non-autographed copy from Amazon.com




.........


GIRLS WHO ABUSE BOYS

Let’s face it: when we talk about abusive dating relationships or domestic violence in general, we usually think of a man abusing a woman, right? Women are always the “victims.”

It’s time for us to change the way we think because in fact, while male-to-female abuse is leveling off nationwide (at a very high level, I’ll grant you), female-to-male abuse is skyrocketing. Even if you believe in equal rights, that’s not good news for anyone! The fact that women have discovered equal opportunity bad behavior is not promising.

It used to be thought that female abusers used emotional abuse against men. You know what I mean: they would whine, pout, make him feel guilty. Here’s what some high school boys have told me about this form of abuse:

“If I don’t call my girlfriend at least once every night, she accuses me of not caring about her and starts to cry. I just saw her for half a day at school. Aren’t I allowed to have a life?”

“I feel like I’m always apologizing for stuff I didn’t do. She tells me I’m looking at girls when I’m not. I love her and I’m not looking at other girls. I can’t get her to believe that, so I just end up saying I’m sorry to make her feel better.”

“My girlfriend used to call me a ‘dick’ in front of her friends. It was humiliating. All the girls would laugh and think it was so cute. I told her how I felt and asked her to stop. When she wouldn’t, I realized that I was with a girl who told me that she loved me but didn’t care anything about my feelings.”

Do any of those stories sound familiar? They are the same sort of things women say about their abusive male partners! Why is it OK if a girl does the same thing? The answer is: it’s not.

Now, here’s the really depressing news: female-to-male PHYSICAL abuse has gone up at least threefold in many areas of the country in the last year! But there’s a difference between the ways in which girls abuse boys and the way boys abuse girls.

Men use their hands. They punch, slap, push, choke. Girls use weapons. Because, as women, we know that we are usually smaller and physically weaker than our male partners, we can’t overpower them, right? So, women are now using baseball bats, golf clubs, and the like to “even the score.” Let’s say a 5’ 2” girl decides to hurt her 6’ tall boyfriend. Ordinarily, it would look comical, but if she’s got a Louisville Slugger circling over her head like a lasso, it’s going to connect with his head. That’s much scarier than a push against a wall or even a black eye. I find that frightening and depressing.

Men don’t report when they have been violated. They feel that people would make fun of them or joke about their perceived lack of masculinity. The live with the same secretiveness and shame that abused girls and women speak of.

Girls and women have the same insecurities as guys, but a girl’s fears are socially acceptable. They act out abusively for the same reasons boys do: power and control. They like dominance. They need to get help just like male abusers do.

If this article applies to you, I hope you will seek some help. You can’t be happy with yourself and your relationships. If it applies to someone you know, why don’t you e-mail it to her, or suggest she take a look at this website. Then, be a friend and support her in this difficult journey of self-discovery and healing.



Join Dr. Jill Murray's mailing list 
Email:

We have a strict privacy policy.
Please be assured that your email address
will not be shared, sold, or exchanged with any other company.
email Dr. Jill Murray
drjill@drjillmurray.com

© 2005 by Jill Murray. All rights reserved. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book or on this website for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.