But He Never Hit Me
The Devastating Cost of
Non-Physical Abuse to Girls and Women

"This is definitely the most important self-help book I've ever read. It spoke directly to me in a compassionate and clear way, while also giving me directions for looking at my relationship problems and cleaning them up. Before I read But He Never Hit Me, I didn't even know I had these difficulties; I just knew that I wasn't really happy with my life. This book spoke to me in a very profound way. I read a lot of books, for my profession, every year and But He Never Hit Me is by far the best I've had the pleasure to read. This book will stay with me for a long time."

Autographed copy - $27.45
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)

Or purchase a non-autographed copy from


"I just finished reading, Destructive Relationships, and I can't believe how much it's opened my eyes to how I was conducting my life and all the unhealthy relationships I had!  I knew I was unhappy and couldn't figure out why my life and relationships weren't working. Now I understand completely. 

I feel so empowered now and confident about my future. I've already started making positive changes. I just don't know how to thank you enough!"

Have your book autographed
at no additional charge

Autographed copy - $18.50
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)


"Your book, But I Love Him" literally saved my daughter's life.  She was dating an abusive boy for nearly 2 years. He was very controlling and had recently introduced her to drugs and a depraved lifestyle. She ran away with him twice. We tried everything and didn't know how to get through to her.  We read your book and started talking to her differently and looking at our part in the relationship.  We started seeing small changes in the way she behaved toward us.  We finally gave her the book to read. She was initially resistent but then read it all in one night, highlighting it as she went.  She broke up with him less than 2 weeks later.  You and your book have been a miracle in our lives. We can't thank you enough for the work you do and for saving our daughter's life and our relationship with her."

Have your book autographed
at no additional charge.

Autographed copy - $16.50
(includes $3.50 shipping & handling)

Or purchase a non-autographed copy from



When you have good boundaries in a relationship, you:

  • Have clear preferences and act upon them.
  • Know when you are happy or unhappy.
  • Live actively rather than reactively.
  • Create your own reality rather than letting another person tell you what reality is.
  • Extend yourself to others only when they are appreciative.
  • Trust your own intuition.
  • Are encouraged by sincere, ongoing change in others (not promises of change).
  • Have your own interests and hobbies that excite you.
  • Have a personal standard of conduct that applies to everyone and demands accountability.
  • Know the difference between well-intentioned feedback and manipulation or control.
  • Relate to others only when they show respect for your feelings and opinions.
  • Look at another person’s behavior, rather than your feelings.
  • Don’t need another person to make you feel “complete.”
  • Insist that others’ boundaries are as safe as yours…and respect them.
  • Feel secure, focused, and clear-headed most of the time.
  • Are always aware of your choices.
  • Understand that you create your own future and don’t depend on others to do so for you.
  • Decide how, to what extent, and for what length of time you will be committed in a romantic relationship.
  • Know that you have a right to privacy and protect it.
  • Don’t’ use denial as a coping mechanism, but see things as they are even if they are painful.

Join Dr. Jill Murray's mailing list 

We have a strict privacy policy.
Please be assured that your email address
will not be shared, sold, or exchanged with any other company.
email Dr. Jill Murray

© 2005 by Jill Murray. All rights reserved. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any techniques as forms of treatment for physical or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book or on this website for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.