Depression and Divorce


With the news of suicide among two well-known and well-loved celebrities in a one-week period, the conversation about despair and relationships has opened up in a different way than it has before.

            While you may not design beautiful handbags or travel the world as your profession, you may have thought that the pain you are experiencing in your relationship whether deciding to divorce, going through the process of divorce, or the aftermath of divorce would be alleviated if you were no longer here.  You may have even thought that your children would be better off without a mother who was so depressed.  You may have thought that your future looks bleak without hope of improving.  You may have even thought of many ‘rational’ arguments why this is true.

            Relationship difficulties account for 43% of suicides and women are at greater risk of suicide than men.  For these reasons, I’d like you to read what I’m about to tell you closely and seriously.

            While you may not have a plan to end your life, many people think, “I wouldn’t kill myself but I wouldn’t mind if I went to sleep and didn’t wake up”.  Everyone goes through heart-wrenching difficulties; no one is spared, even those you believe “have it all”: wealth, fame, beauty, talent, seemingly wonderful relationships.  Everyone has experienced pain in which they thought they couldn’t move on or just take another breath. 

            If you have loved greatly, you have also felt pain in equal measure.  That is the human condition and sometimes it tests us to the breaking point.

            If you are on the precipice of making a change in your marriage or going through a divorce, your life is going through enormous challenges.  YOU WILL GET THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE, I promise you.

            Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain left preteen daughters.  Their lives will never be the same.  Children of parents who commit suicide typically experience guilt, confusion, trust issues, depression, relationship difficulties, self-esteem problems, substance use and more.  No, your child will not be better off without you, even in a divorce.  They need you, however you are right now.  They are still better off than without you.

            If you are thinking of taking your life, remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Please talk to a trusted family member, friend or clergy.  Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “help” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to

            As David Spade said following his sister-in-law’s death: “It’s a rough world out there. Try to hang on”.  Take good care.

Jill Murray